


Conversations Overheard in the Styria Department of Records

by Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 21:37:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13303761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw/pseuds/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw
Summary: Our heroines (and non-binary heroic person) get on the horn with the customer service helpline at the Styria Department of Records.





	Conversations Overheard in the Styria Department of Records

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for seasons two and three.

Carmilla

“Yes, I was born in 1696. Why is that so difficult for you to understand?”

“...No, not 1966. Do I look fifty? 1696.”

“...Fine, you can put 1996 if it makes you feel better, you brainless fool.”

“...Of course insulting you has a practical effect: it calls your attention to your idiocy and makes me feel better about the oxygen you’re consuming. Speaking of which, when I’m listing prior addresses, how should I account for my time buried in a coffin in Alsace-Lorraine?”

Perry

“Now, where it says ‘other names used,’ do I have to list names used by someone who possessed me?”

“Yes? Well, this might be a while…”

“....Oh, there’s a special addendum for that? That’s...weirdly specific. I suppose I should have expected that in Styria.”

“...Now, do I need to list that as a pre-existing medical condition? No? That’s good.”

Laura

“If I change my surname, can I keep using Hollis as my pen name for my by-lines?...”

“I can? That’s great! So, would it be easier to do Hollis-Karnstein or Hollstein?”

“No, I am not thinking of marrying two different people. It’s a portmanteau. You know, a literary device popularized by Lewis Carroll.”

“Argh, never mind! We’ll go with Hollis-Karnstein.”

LaFontaine

“So, where it says “First Name,” can I leave that blank?”

“No? Can I just put ‘S,’ then?”

“Okay. What about the boxes for ‘Male’ and “Female?’ Can I leave those blank?”

“...No, I don’t want the version of the form for golems. Although a golem would be pretty sweet. Could I just mark both boxes?”

“...Moving on: for eye color, I found the supplemental form where you can list mismatched colors, which is cool. But for my right eye, the housing is gunmetal grey, but the laser itself is 445 nM blue, so which should I…?”

“Hello? Hello?”


End file.
